My Christmas gift

Giving myself a gift and calling this what it is...primarily done.

I will hop on every so often and drop a little nugget here for myself but I am clearly not in a blogging place. Not sure it ever became a great thing for me but I love reading blogs and appreciate the people I have come into contact with via blogging. I enjoy getting things out of my head but there is plenty that still rattles around in there and just doesn't need to be aired out.

I am choosing to love and live with the little ones I have and treasure our angel nugget, Erin, in heaven who obviously watches over all of us. I'm not upset about our loss but truly see that for the positives we have taken from the experience. So few people would share that perspective on their loss that I am not a voice for many pregnancy and baby loss moms. I am me. This is how I feel and it works well for me.

Rather than taunt myself b/c I haven't taken time to blog. I am just going to hang up my typing hands for a while and only pop on when I feel the need to get something out. This is my place to vent some stuff after all and I just don't feel it right now. Maybe later.

Merry Christmas, if that's your shade of celebration. If not, enjoy the rest of the holiday season and be well into the new year. May 2011 exceed your dreams in reality.

Freedom

Ah, December 1st...where did November go?

I hadn't intended to miss out thankful blogging for the final week of November but am thankful that I am the boss of me. So for each of the days that I failed to blog my thanks, I am thankful for my freedom to get out and do all that needed doing and I wanted to do as opposed to blogging it.

Thankful for the freedom to decide to change my goal and my mind.

It has been a busy bunch of days and the holiday season has descended and begun eating my calendar by the minute.

Today I am so pleased and thankful for the deal I just got with Sp.rint...new smartphone and car charger for $30 total. The phone was free and the charger was all I paid for in the deal. So, maybe I can find some more time as I begin to schedule myself on my new phone. Fewer things should be forgotten and maybe I will feel more efficient. Oh, I hope I feel more efficient.

Toodles, November! Maybe next year I will be a better thankful blogger but I won't decide that today.

The little things...the REALLY little things

Dear Hooker-in-Charlie-Sheen's-hotel-closet:
He's a complete drug-addicted nut bag and you were in his closet. It doesn't bode well for either of you. No one cares about you or your lawsuit. We're barely curious when his karma is going to catch up with him and he's the one with a show that a bunch of people must like based on the fact that his network hasn't fired his crazy ass yet. Find a new hobby. Buh-bye.

Today, I am thankful I am not Charlie Sheen or a hooker who takes shelter from him in his hotel closet. Add to that list a wife, ex-wife, girlfriend or ex-girlfriend of Charlie Sheen.

Happy Tuesday before Turkey Day!

Thankful that we are nearing the end of this Thankful month?

Wow...I didn't foresee how challenging it would be to remember that I need to blog thanks each day this  month. I suppose I am busy doing and not so busy writing about the goodness of it. And I am happy that this thankful month is coming to a close...only b/c I don't enjoy the inadequacy I feel when I realize I have forgotten to blog my thanks for another few days.

Friday:  Bug wasn't feeling himself and he was warning me all day that his stomach was sick. Finally, around 4pm, when Big had been home for a bit, it came on strong. Bug said my tummy feels funny. Big asked if he thought he needed to throw up and Bug's face said it all...out it came! All the chunky, vomit-glory in a lovely hue of lavender-ish mauve thanks to the blueberry applesauce he had eaten for dessert at lunch. Bless his tiny heart and sick belly, I hurt for him. Big got busy cleaning the floor. I stripped Bug and tossed gross clothes into the laundry and shuttled the little man into the shower. He felt much better after the puke...don't we all? After his shower, we all took it easy and lounged at home for the evening. As crazy as it sounds, I was so glad that we got that first BIG puke out of the way. He had thrown up a little bit once before but this was a DOOZY! Throwing up is pretty traumatic for little people since they have no idea what is going on...and he made it through and felt better afterward. What a relief that it wasn't a stomach bug that kept him feeling bad after he threw up. Now, he thinks throwing up is the light at the end of the sick-belly tunnel. So yes, I am thankful that Bug threw up a boatload and bounced back nicely. At least, vomit is the big problem and nothing more serious. We are a lucky crew!

Saturday: We got to see the local high school band parade through our neighborhood. They are practicing for their appearance at the Fiesta Bowl and we had the good fortune to enjoy their practice. Bug hadn't seen a band before and he loves to groove. He and his little friends were dancing up a streak. They had such a great time! And after a brief crying spell, Bub enjoyed it too. At first, it was a little loud but he got used to it and bounced along in his Ergo. I posted the video that my girlfriend took on my face.book...if you happen to be a fb friend, check it out. It was a unique treat and I am thankful to see my little guy rocking out to a high school marching band without wandering far from home.

Sunday: I am beyond appreciative of all that we are able to provide our kids and the challenges they have (so far) been able to avoid knowing. We 'adopted' a child to get a Christmas gift for at our church yesterday...and will probably 'adopt' a few more before the end of the season. The 15-year-old boy we picked asked for a basketball OR a football. That just crushes me. I always associate such magic with the Christmas season and this young man is asking for something as simple as a football or basketball. I wish so much more for his life and his future. It isn't about gifts...I get that. The difficult part for me is imagining what his life must be like on any given day. It makes me sad and I wish I could do more. I am thankful for the financial hardships we haven't experienced and the ability to provide the basics and much more to our children.

Monday: We will be loading up shortly to head over to a birthday party. Bug's best buddy at school, Dylan, is having his party today at a bouncy house. It will be a wonderful way to spend the end of the day and we all get cupcakes. Any day that includes a cupcake is a day worthy of thanks! Plus, Dylan's mom is a gifted baker and cake/cupcake decorator. I can't wait to see what she has come up with for us to enjoy. Should be a hoot!

Wishing you an abundance of things to be thankful for in your own life.

Hope you're thankful for another 3 thanks

In the few minutes I manage to get to myself in these past several evenings, is it any wonder blogging doesn't even make it on my radar? I have been slaving away trying to get a year's worth of kid pictures condensed, captioned, edited and sensibly placed in that Shutter.fly photo book I was raving about the other day. And yes, I still adore the photo books...they are undeniably a labor of love and time consuming if you happen to be an OCD perfectionist, as I am.

SO, here we go again with 3 days worth of thanks...

Tuesday: I was thankful for a resilient and happy Bub as he got his second dose of flu shot that morning. Had things gotten frustrating, it was going to be an unbearably LONG day and night as Big was traveling. But as it happened, no trouble at all...save for a quick sniffle at the time he felt the shot.

My boys don't get too bothered by shots thankfully. That still gives me no peace with Bug's 4 year well-check approaching and his resulting anxiety regarding the 4 shots. He will be largely unaffected at the appointment but in the months leading up, I hear it about almost daily.

Wednesday: I was thankful to be mom to two such patient and well-behaved little guys. Our morning took a turn. Our original plan of going to a local little kids amusement park was sidelined and we wound up at the outlet mall to get Bug some new shoes. It was a breeze! Bub didn't give any fuss about riding in the stroller but seemed to enjoy all the stuff he was getting to see. Bug tried on several pairs of shoes and was a great listener. This isn't a boast...b/c this is not his normal, everyday behavior...he decided to roll with it and not get all kinds of crazy and rambunctious. Ah, what a blessing...Thank you, boys!!!

Thursday: Today...I am thankful for the hilarious and sweet statements from Bug every single day. Just this morning there were a few things. About his new sneakers: "These shoes are so fast. I am going to race Dylan and win. These shoes are so fast even-I will probably run into the walls since they (the shoes) only run and don't stop." On his thankful turkey at school: (No, Big and I didn't even get a shared mention on one thankful feather) He is thankful for 'going peepee and washing hands alone, playing with Bub, playing in his playroom, using his stool to open the window shades in his playroom' and a couple other things. It touches me that he appreciates his independence b/c we do a lot to foster that around here. And most importantly, I don't mind if I never make it on his list of things to be thankful for as long as his brother always makes it. That was my dream in having a second child...that they be a buddy to each other. Yes, it is early and we will have many battles ahead. Still, it bodes well in my opinion that Bub got his first thankful feather.

Still ahead tonight, girls night with my mom friends from church. Hoping for fun since I will be exhausted by that time! Oh, and wine. Did I mention wine? There will be wine. I am thankful for wine. Very thankful for wine. Jesus clearly hit on something good with wine.

Three days o' Thanks

Saturday was a day of Fall festivals...we only made it to one b/c Bug had his last soccer game of the season right in the middle of the afternoon. Plus, it was cool weather so it actually felt like a Fall festival. What a treat! I am thankful to live in a small enough town that we enjoy little street festivals a few times throughout the year. I grew up in Miami, FL and we had no such little festivals...the festivals we had were quite large and more hectic than enjoyable, in my opinion. I am glad to be bringing my boys up in this small town.

Sunday was cloudy, cold, and drizzly. A perfect day to be indoors working on our lazy. And we didn't have anything outside the house to do after church and grocery shopping...so we stayed in and hung out together. Lazy-ish! I did a few loads of laundry, made a big batch of baby food and just watched football with my fellas. I am thankful to have a lazy day every now and then when the weather forces us...and might even enjoy a lazy day indoors when the weather is perfectly wonderful.

Today, Big set off on another work trip. That's nothing unusual or anything to be thankful about. What I am thankful for is that he delayed leaving on his trip so he could come with us to Bug's swim lesson. Having him there was a huge deal to Bug and he enjoyed it every bit as much as Bug. It is a blessing to have a husband who takes his fatherhood so seriously and makes time every chance he gets to be a part of Bug's day-to-day life. He travels and has so much calling his time but he makes a point to stop and enjoy daddy time. Not many fathers seem to do that...maybe more than I think...but I am thankful, in any case.

Big, Bug hugs

So, it is easier to 'thankfully blog' daily with one kid than two kids as evidenced by my success last year compared to this year. I am sure plenty of people pull it off simply and I am equally sure that I am not one of them.

I will not miss a day of thanks even though I may not blog them daily.

Yesterday, Big made it home from his trip and it was a HUGE relief to have another hand to help out around here last night. I am thankful for Big's timely return and the chance to get a few more things done in preparation for my Polar TEXpress train ride for the kids in early December.

Today, I am thankful to have gotten quiet snuggle time with Bug this morning before we jumped into our day. So often lately, I feel like I am barking out directions and being an unhappy mom. It is rare that I get to just enjoy time with him alone without anything else pulling me away. Twenty minutes of hugging it out is just the way to start the day.

Swinging and Adult Conversation

Things have been a little hectic...

Bug has strep and Big is traveling and Bub is crawling and I need a nap. So I am a day late again posting but am doubling up my thanks.

Yesterday, I was extraordinarily appreciative to have some adult conversation after 2 days stuck in the house with a sick Strep kid and his incredible, crawling baby brother. It was a girls-night-in to be shared with a few of my girlfriends. Unfortunately, two of them were down sick and another was wiped out after a day of work...in the end, two of us chatted, drank wine and watched a little Dancing program on ABC. I needed that time with a grown-up...and a glass of wine.

Today, I thank my lucky stars that Bug has just figured out how to swing by himself. Ah, all the time I will have to myself now that he won't require my arms to do the work for him. It's already paying off as I prepped tomorrow night's dinner while he is out there swinging himself senseless and the little Bub is tucked safely in a Sesame Street activity center. So, I also toss out a little thanks for containment!

These things are what get me through the rough days!

Shutterfly Photo Books

Shutterfly photo books are the single greatest gift for grandparents 'evah' and I am thankful to have found them and made them our signature gift for Christmas.

They do take time to put together but are so easy to design and a treat to give to your kids as well. The photo book we made for Bug last Christmas of all his big events in 2009 is still his favorite book to read at bedtime. Looking forward to continuing the tradition with both boys this year.

Check them out if you haven't already...they have a variety of themes and a huge selection of page backgrounds that you can mix and match into every themed book.

On all fours

Today I am thankful and celebrating that Bub is crawling.

He has been on all fours and rocking for just over a week so I was somewhat mentally prepared for this to happen.

It may be less than 24 hours until I am cursing this same milestone. At that time, I will completely deny ever appreciating Bub crawling and will clarify that today I am thankful for the back-to-back showings of "Anchorman" on TBS.

Sweet sleep and Little Stingers

Evidently, yesterday I was thankful for my bed as I fell fast asleep around 7:45 after I tucked Bug into bed. It seems to always happen on Friday nights that I am asleep before Bug.That bed is a welcoming haven at the end of a long week...and this week Big didn't even travel.

Today, my thanks is more thought out.
It is our second to last Stingers game this season. The Stingers are Bug's soccer team and Big is their coach. We have had practices every Thursday and games every Saturday for the past 9 weeks. We have a great bunch of little guys and Big is infinitely more patient than any person in the world when he is coaching. What started as a mish-mash of fussy 3-year-olds clustered around a ball on the field has become almost an organized game with everyone having a blast while points are being scored frequently...in our own goal.

As we near the end of the Stingers season, I appreciate all that team sports teach the kids. These are lessons that kids and even some adults seem to have never learned...work together, finish what you start, do what you say you are going to do b/c people are counting on you, roll with the punches and move on when something bad happens or you miss a chance for something great. Thank you soccer (and Big as the coach) for helping to teach our kids important lessons that will make them kids (and one day adults) with sense.

Mom friends

I am very thankful for the mom friends I have made in our mom's group at church. There are only a few of us but the older moms (grandmoms and great-grandmoms) who have visited our group as speakers are wonderful, too.

I have recently learned there is a common thread between mothers regardless of age or experience. I am surprised when these older women who I consider to be very 'churchy' (for lack of a better word) turn out to be women that I can relate to as mothers and as friends. I am far from what I would consider 'churchy' so I often feel quite flawed when first interacting with these older women. But, in spending time with them, I am discovering that we are all flawed and each deal with things in our own ways. They are not better mothers, friends, wives or women than I am...we are all just doing our own thing and doubting ourselves. We just have different areas of focus and doubt.

Today, an older woman from church joined us to share an idea that she is using with her grandsons during Advent this year. During her visit, she praised us for coming together for support and friendship and shared some of her most pressing struggles presently and from her past. Her husband (of 45-ish years) was diagnosed with Alzheimers 3 years ago and it is beginning to change him into a different person. She is having a terrible time with that. She also shared that she had a 5 week old daughter who died of spinal meningitis between her first and second boys...she has 3 boys. She cried about both of these situations with us. She hardly knows us...2 of our moms are casual acquaintances of hers from church and myself and the other mom are complete strangers to her. (Well, she and I recognize each other from services but nothing more than smiles and nods at that.) Her candor was surprising but perfectly understandable because she realizes what I am just learning...that we are all the same in more ways than we are different and we all care.

Of course, we care...we are mothers.

Modern Family

So thankful for Modern Family after a way too long day. Phil Dunphy cracks my ass up.

And as luck would have it...I'm kinda married to him. Big has some stuff in common with Phil. He cracks my ass up, too.

Back in the sad-dle...or should I say glad-dle?

It is November and last year I blogged each day about something I am thankful for and I plan to do it again this year. It feels good to count my blessings...and sometimes be thankful in writing after a great or not-so-great day.

Today I am being thankful for 2 things since I missed my chance yesterday.

Yesterday, in the car with the boys heading through the toll and the people in front of us are going ridiculously S-L-O-W so I sigh loudly...Bug says, "Mommy, now is when you call him an idiot!"

That is my boy! And I love him...especially when he recognizes what a sigh really means. And it must be noted...he said idiot not any form of fuck. And I might have tossed out a 'Fuck!' had the day been more hectic before we encountered their snail-ish pace. So, yes, he says inappropriate words but chose to keep it more kid-friendly...perhaps b/c there is a baby in the car these days.
I am grateful to have a son who keeps me on my toes and cracks me up...A LOT!

Today I am thankful that I can vote. Sure, I m WAY out-voted and negated here in Texas but I still plan to exercise this right and chalk one up for the liberals! At least, we live in the most liberal part of Texas.

Go ahead and get your grateful on too...

At a loss for words...

No, nothing has happened to cause it.

Just am.

I will find something to blog soon. But no need to waste your time or mine until I have it.

Enjoy.

Crossover News...aka Crap

Has anyone else noticed and become alarmed at the increasing trend of non-news being reported as breaking news by reputable programs?!

Who the hell gives a rat's ass or is stunned that Paris Hilton was arrested for possession of cocaine? Um, no kidding. What...did you figure she just didn't eat and still managed to have to energy to party and shop nearly every hour of the day? No, she needs coke to stay that thin and have energy to do everything related to being a sex-tape celebutante. That girl is just one missed magazine cover away from a crystal-meth addiction and I'm not the only one who hears that clock ticking for her. Shockingly, the powers that be at E News don't hear it and they know a hell of a lot more about her than I do.

But, at least, it makes sense when E News reports on her antics...not so much when my local ABC affiliate gets in on the reporting during our evening news. Slow news night, Austin?!

Am I Snow White in some alternate universe today?

Well, I have a boy who thinks Diego (the animal rescuer from Nick Jr.) hung the moon and stars just before he invented trucks, tools and cake. Those items happen to be some of Bug' s favorite things to any who wonder. And he fully intends to be Diego for Halloween. Yes, a blonde Diego but, nevertheless, Diego. So we learn A LOT about animals in this house...and when we are out of this house.

So, today has been a bizarre trip through animal hell or heaven...I'm simply not sure.

In any case, I started my morning standing out by the pool with the telescoping brush in hand ready to begin scrubbing down the sides and bottom of the pool to help cure the plaster. (YES, the pool is looking finished but still not quite ready for swimmers...kinda like my girlie parts! Haha!) During my pool brushing times, I frequently encounter an odd assortment of creatures. Normally, a series of thirsty or extraordinarily clean wasps, a big wolf spider who has made our pool his new home and june bugs and lady bugs more rarely.

Early this morning, I noticed a dark spot in the deep end when I looked out from up in my bedroom but the water is awfully cloudy from all the calcium sloughing off the plaster. As I got to the deep end with my brush, I recognized the dark spot to be a GIANT dead frog. Not a floater but a sinker and it grossed me out. Bug, on the other hand, thought it was cool. Oh, how is he my kid?! I am not a girl who can fish a dead frog out of the pool...and Big is traveling. Of course, Big is traveling...that is a little joke God plays on me from time to time. He likes to see how I respond to these scenarios. Hell, I like to see how I respond to these scenarios. So, I can't blame him. I promptly called my neighbor and asked how likely she was to fish a dead frog out of our deep end and toss the carcass over our fence into the field. Surprisingly, she said she'd be right over. Minutes later, she had the croaker over the fence and I was busily brushing the pool. It still is freaking me out that there is a puffy dead frog on the other side of our fence. I am not a friend to the frogs but it is creepy to know he's just over there.

Then, this afternoon, it got interesting. The boys were both in their rooms for naps. Bug was napping and Bub was shrieking like a howler monkey stuck in a fire ant pile. The kid was overtired and the best way to go to sleep is to just GO TO SLEEP! Finally he did but it didn't last more than an hour. So, I took advantage of my free time to get the pool scrubbed down again.

While I was out there scrubbing the deep end, I heard a strange sound. When I looked up, there was a good-sized pigeon on the slanty roof of our back porch and he was quickly coming down toward me. Let me be clear...he was looking me straight in the eye and heading down fast. He didn't seem like a Hitchcock-ian black bird so I decided that trembling would be out of the question. I stood my ground and kept right on brushing. He flew down onto the deck and started walking around the perimeter of the pool coming after me...but not so quick this time. By the time I got to the shallow end, he was about 6 inches away from me.

This next bit is going to sound crazy...not crazy like I may have been a little overtired myself but crazy like I may have accidentally dropped several hits of acid during lunch.

This pigeon was beautiful...I couldn't take my eyes off him. And not just because he was WAY inside my wild bird comfort zone. He was a mix of deep auburn brown with spots of white and a very full and feathery snowy white tail/birdy butt region. It was the prettiest wild bird I have seen. He had such bright red little bird legs with white spots on them. Kinda like he was wearing polka dot leggings. And then, much to my National Geographic Explorer chagrin, I noticed he had a black cuff on his birdy ankle...he was some kind of homing pigeon. Damn dream killer, pigeon!

I mistakenly believed for a brief instant that I had found my true calling. I was going to be the next big thing on reality television...the bird whisperer. That cuff shook me out of my dreamy state and reminded me that this bird is used to people...in fact, he probably thought I was going to bring him in and serve him some fine-ass bird seed on the good china. Isn't that what homing pigeon owners do with their birds? Treat them like family? They must. Or, at least, the owner of this pigeon must because he definitely wasn't the least bit intimidated by me. He hung around while I finished cleaning the pool and then even let me get up close and tak with him. Then after a while when I walked away, he flew off.

He hasn't come back. I know...I have been watching and spending a disproportionate amount of time out back in relation to the steamy temps.

Kinda wish he would come back so I could get Bug and show him this cool pigeon...especially since we can't get enough of  "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus." by Mo Willems. Mo Willems can write a children's book. And this pigeon can drive our bus any day!

Wordy Wednesday-Sales Skills Edition

The pictures above are the computer images of our pool that is currently under construction in the backyard.

Please don't be intrigued by the pool pictures. That was our downfall. Instead, take note of the pretend images of Big and I.

Big appears to be negotiating a sorta dive into the not-so-deep 5.5 ft end of the pool in an attempt to end it all and walk away from the endless chores, work and now soccer coaching with which he seems to be inundated.

I am just brainlessly soaking in the shallow end. Perhaps an allusion to my inability to hold a steady thought and possess more than the attention span of a fruit fly. I am neither disturbed or interested in the notion of my husband executing a suicide dive into the new pool.

The boys are also curiously absent. Gotta wonder where they have wandered off or been sequestered, maybe?

Those pool guys sure know how to sell it. We saw these pictures and signed right up for a pool. We should be splashing in just over a week...hopefully I can keep Big from diving and we can all enjoy it.

Mini vacation, maxi fun!

Yes...it has been a while. I have been focused more on the world outside my computer for the past several weeks. Some things good and some things not so good taking my attention. Now onto our vacation...and the length of this will make up for my extended blog absence so, please, buckle in.

We planned and booked a week long beach vacation for the second week of August back in February. Evidently, that wasn't in the cards for us...Big had a car accident and we had to get a new (used) car, our tenants in our rental house decided that they didn't want to pay rent in a timely manner this month, we just closed on our pool loan and it just didnt make sense to be putting so much money toward a vacation with all that going on. We live entirely on cash and not credit cards so we get to make those kinds of decisions from time to time. On the up side, we got a GREAT rate on our pool loan since the credit is in tip top shape! Glass half-full angle for sure.

In any case, it worked out perfectly. I can see why we were lucky to stay closer to home this year. For one, the beach is seeing some ill effects as a result of the gulf oil debacle. Not tar balls or anything but the ecosystem is in flux with all that oil forcing animals into areas they aren't normally. Secondly, our swimming pool construction was set to begin and Bug's most thrilling part was to occur the first day we left for the beach...the digger digging the hole. So, we were able to hang out on the back porch and by our living room windows to watch the excavator do its thing. That blew the beach out by a long shot in Bug's book. It was pretty cool for Big and I, too. Plus, Bub has been getting used to a sleep schedule and a week at the beach with bright sunny bedrooms would have thrown us a major curve ball. I was so convinced that he would just be a baby #2 and accept his role as such by falling asleep wherever and whenever. He has different plans. He simply won't fall asleep when we are out and about so I need to keep him near a crib/play yard for naptimes. Otherwise, we feel BIG consequences.
 Overall, we tried to make it as much of a vacation from routines and life as possible even though we weren't away at the beach or even far from home for most of the week.)



So our vacation week looked like this:

Monday-home to watch the excavator dig up a big hole for our pool in the early morning. After about 2 hours of this, Big took Bug to a local swimming pool with water slides and a splash area. They played there for a couple hours while Bub and I laid low at home and managed chores, made lunch, got dinner rolling and Bub got his morning nap. In the afternoon/evening, we watched more digger action and took a family walk/Bug bike ride and made smores.

Tuesday-Big had to do some work in the morning to build our fence in coordination with the pool construction. So, the boys and I loaded up and went to play and shop at Ikea...actually a fun spot for Bug. He loves getting to walk in stores and feel like a grown up. There is a great kids area at Ikea that makes him batty. Then we came home and did an art project and watched the pool builders frame out the exterior perimeter of the pool. Then, we went out for a special dinner at our favorite mexican restaurant as both my big boys LOVE the queso and chips...not to mention Big earned an extra large margarita for all the fence work he did in the extreme Texas heat and humidity. And Bug got to have a sleepover in our room for the first time since he was a baby...just for fun!

Wednesday-we spent the morning at a local little kids amusement park. Not especially fancy but you couldn't tell based on Bug's reactions to everything. He was in kiddie heaven! Ferris wheel, carousel, pony ride, train ride, airplane ride, boat ride, and jeep ride...some of those more than once. All tailored to kids under 7. It was great! And the heat was bearable especially since they have loads of shade. In the afternoon, Big took Bug to our neighborhood pool to swim and splash for a couple hours while I started to pack us for the end of our vacation week.

Thursday-we started early and loaded up the family to head down to San Antonio Sea World. (2 hour drive from home) We arrived just before the park opened and were ready for FUN!
We saw:

• Shamu's show "Believe" which was far more impressive than I anticipated as we were able to see a baby whale side-by-side with his mom during the show and he even did some jumps although he isn't trained yet. It was amazing. I had to push back tears at the beginning of the show when I saw how excited and happy Bug was to see it all.
• A sea lion show that was pretty fun for the kid crowd and had lots of interesting facts for the adults.
• We made it to the different exhibits in order to see the dolphins, penguins and coral reef fish being fed. Feeding times are strongly suggested to engage little ones in seeing the animals. Bug wanted to see the sharks being fed but we just got to see them in the tanks since they don't have scheduled feeding times for them...guess no one wants to be dinner for an audience of children.
• Bug also played at the splash park, rode a kids roller coaster and played at a large shaded playground.

That was my first time at a Sea World and I grew up in Miami, FL with WAY too many visits to DisneyWorld but never a trip to Sea World Orlando. It was great in my book and I think we plan to get annual passes next season while Bub is still a free guest.
We ended Thursday at our hotel with an unmatched Bub meltdown at dinner...he was soooo overtired. he had napped a total of 1.5 hours all day and that doesn't make for a happy baby. Lucky for us, he enjoyed the park all day and gave us no complaints with the heat and overstimulation. A dinner meltdown was deserved and then sidelined as I nursed and held him through the entire meal. ***The greatest news...we all were asleep by 9pm and slept until 7:30 Friday morning. And I don't count the 2am potty wake up for Bug or the 4am feeding for Bub. Those were minimal considering we were all out of our element.***

Friday-we gobbled an unhealthy fast food breakfast and then headed into downtown San Antonio to enjoy the riverwalk. If you haven't been there or seen it in movies, it is such a neat place. We walked around a bit downtown and saw The Alamo. It was my first time in San Antonio and that is crazy since we have lived 2 hours away for almost 6 years now. We made our way underground to the riverwalk and took the barge tour which was fun for all of us. Bug loved being on the boat and the tour guide was very entertaining with lots of fun facts for our group. After the barge ride, we walked back to the Rainforest Cafe (a delight to the senses for little ones) and had our lunch there amidst the faux wildlife. Bug enjoys Rainforest Cafe...to put it mildly. Whenever we are near one, I make a point that we have one meal there for his benefit. We filled our bellies and then headed back to the car. We piled in, turned on the DVD for Bug, turned on the music and light toy for Bub and then set off for home. Both boys fell asleep for about 45 minutes in the car and that made for a quiet ride! After 2 days in the sun, a quiet drive was a pleasant diversion.

The weekend entailed some fun but mostly just me wrangling our effing tenants into paying their rent and late charges to save me a week of trips to the local JP precinct to file eviction papers on them. Dealing with bureaucracy while toting and caring for two small children would have made Gitmo torture look like a trip to a beach resort. Thankfully, they paid their rent and late charges AT 10PM SATURDAY NIGHT...wtf?! But I was then able to get some sleep.

Yesterday, Big hung around at home with Bub so I could have some mommy and son time with Bug. We went swimming at the neighborhood pool for a hour or so. It was wonderful to have some time with him when I was undistracted by mommy duties and a little Bub. He soaks up the solo mommy time so graciously that it makes me sad sometimes. He's such a good boy and deals with whatever comes his way. I am so blessed that he is my son!!

Today...Big is off on another business trip and the boys and I are falling right back into our "Daddy-free routine" for most of the week.

So that has been my world for the past week...and it was really fantastic!!

Politics aside...does anyone think our current healthcare system is working?

This question strikes me today as I received a bill from Bub's pediatrician for his 2 month shots. The visit and shots cost $1052 without insurance. There was some sort of chaos and our insurance coverage for Bub termed after 30 days. By the grace of God, I was able to get it resolved with a few phone calls. But during that precarious hour, I was losing my shit to put it delicately.

The long and short of it was that if we couldn't resolve the trouble we would be responsible for all Bub's bills between 5/14 and October (when Big's company offers open enrollment into their benefits program). That meant, at least 2 more visits for well child immunizations and any other sick visits we may have between now and then.

CA-CHING! CA-CHING! Thud-thunk, Thud-thunk, Thud-thunk.


That is the sound of lots of money going out the window and my pounding heart trying to think it all through. Aetna, Big's HR AND  his benefit administrators couldn't find anything indicating that Big had added Bub to our health plan and that MUST be done within his first 30 days on this big planet or medical coverage be damned. Luckily, they house all their online additions in a different location and were able to find his request. Something along the way fell through the cracks and we caught it but it about gave me a heart attack.

Now, Bub has no medical issues to speak of at this point in his life. I am not trying to tempt fate here...that is just our reality so far. And I was losing it over the prospect of him having no medical coverage until October. What if either of our boys suffered from some chronic condition that required consistent attention? What if Bub wasn't able to get coverage ever? What if that was our reality? What if Big or I wasn't covered? Or Bug? I know our state has medicaid coverage for children but not with our income. It just gets my wheels spinning and aggravates the shit out of me.

Really?! Medical care is something to be afforded by only certain people?! Does that seem just? I am not proposing a solution. I am just shaking my fist at the fact that this has been the case for so damn long in this country and nothing has been effectively done to combat the problem. I understand that things are in the works and plans are beginning to take shape to handle the healthcare crisis we face in our country.
I can't help but think if we all put our political differences aside and examined the fact that health care should be within reach for everyone, maybe (and it's a BIG maybe) we could reach a viable solution that would give everyone a chance to live. Quite simply put...our current system is not working in my honest and not always humble opinion.

If you disagree, that is your business and  you can feel free to blog about it in your own place.
This is how I feel in direct response to my situation today so dissenting opinions ought to be constructive if you plan to comment here.

Busy as a bee. Really?!

I have heard the saying "busy as a bee" and used it a bunch, too. But I am thinking it would be just as appropriate, perhaps even more so to simply say 'Busy as a mom."

We're really busy people. Moms.

Three times this week, I have been unable to squeeze in time for a shower until after 5pm. And I really like to be clean. To be unable to shower before then means I was really effing busy.

Busy and sick. The 'sick' contributed to the busy as I was operating slower than normal.

Sick and solo parenting all week as Big was on a trip to Houston since Monday morning and he will get home for dinner tonight. This, too, contributed to the busy.

It probably won't catch on but I sincerely think we ought to make a push for changing the bee saying into a mom saying.

What the what?!

Have I lost my damn mind?! Who would have thought that I would breathe life to this next thought?

I may actually be getting along better as solo mom when Big is traveling than as a co-parent when Big is in town.

I cannot believe I just typed that. But what's crazier than that...I truly feel this way.

Back in the old days, (before we were enagaged or married or had one little guy...let alone the two little fellas we've got now) Big worked in a traveling position with his company. He traveled 4-5 days a week for 3 weeks each month and then was around town for one week a month. I hated it. The travel, that is. At first. It was such misery to see him leave each Sunday. Accompanied by tears and a nagging loneliness that lingered until he got back on Friday.

But then something strange happened...I got used to it. I didn't look forward to the days that he left but I did look forward to having 'me time' for an entire week and then having 'we time' on 'we'-ekends. (That 'we'-ekend shit was totally ridonkulous but I had to do it.) I was able to connect with my girlfriends as a single chick and have my boyfriend around on the weekends for all that couple-y stuff. I didn't so much mind the solo nights during the week since I watched whatever shows I wanted without consideration for anyone else and the whole bed was such a treat to sprawl into. This love of bed space branched us into a king size bed couple...I couldn't function in a queen now if I tried.

He left that role in 2004 and has been an in town husband since. That is until January 2010. I was freaking the fuck out to put it mildly when faced with the possibility of being a solo mom to a newborn and a 3-year-old while Big traveled for work. I get it that I should simply be thrilled he has a job in this tough economy. Especially one that affords me the luxury of staying home with my two kids. But as anyone who has been through the early days with a newborn can understand...doing it alone can seem intimidating at best. Add a boisterous 3-year-old to that recipe and 'freaking the fuck out' should adequately sum it up.

Fast forward to...I am used to it. I slip into an odd lull when he is home. And there are times when he cramps my style with the boys. I don't crave being a solo mom full time but I don't panic or fret at all before he heads off on a trip. I do sometimes prefer the routine when it is just me and the boys. Things have a flow. A flow that becomes a bit more bumpy when we add another person to the mix. It is the same when we try to get ready to leave the house...we get out on time when Big is away. He attempts to help and that always leads to something being out of place and us being late when he is in town. And I get better sleep when he travels. Bub sleeps with me when he is gone and he sleeps better with me than in his little co-sleeping hammock. Big would roll right onto my little Bub in the middle of the night and that just won't work so I struggle with shit sleep when he's home. Still, we adjust whether we are 3 or 4.

And don't get me wrong- I love having an extra hand at bath time. Bath time..was my only tricky spot when he travels and I can navigate that fairly easily by now. But it is nice to focus on one kid at bath and enjoy that special time just before bed with less chaos and more sleep-inducing peace. Pool time is also a total no-go without Big. Even with Bub in the water sling, I can't risk Bug getting himself into a situation that I couldn't get to him in time. SO for now, we bathe and swim best as a family of four. Beyond that...we get along fine with a solo mom and two boys.

I am fiercely independent and that makes me happy. I can deal!

It pays to be a hostile bitch

This was done 4 hours after Big got home last week...

Whoever said you will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar just hasn't tasted my vinegar. Besides, who wants to catch flies anyway?! I wanted access to a DVD player and decided that honey wouldn't cut it.

Rants in my Pants!

It's my chance to spread bitterness and bad words.

Yesterday I went to JC Penney...not by choice so much but to exchange some gift shirts for ones that fit Bug. We got a super thoughtful gift from my aunt for the boys and Bug's shirts were too small. She told me she got everything at JCP in case we needed to change sizes.

Allow the bitching to commence:

• Why, when we live in the fattest country in the entire world, are the aisles at JCP too small to accomodate me? I weigh about 114 in my 8 week post-pregnancy state. That's fucking ridiculous! I was bumping into racks and getting jostled about. And I wasn't drunk...explained by the fact that I am breastfeeding, it was 10 am and I didn't have a designated driver to the store.
• If I am allowed to exchange shirts for other shirts, why in the name of all that is good and holy do they need so damn much personally identifying information?
• Dear JCP cashier, Can't you just make up some of this information when you see that I have a newborn completely losing his shit and a 3 year old who is sytematically dismantling your gift card display while I attempt to calm my baby and answer your litany of meaningless questions?! (All I wanted was to give my kid a Spiderman shirt that fit for pete's sake)
• Couldn't it be just half as hard as this to get a gun?! Surely a few loose cannon people would be derailed by the effort involved in purchasing a gun.
• What gene is it that causes a baby to scream uncontrollably for the entire time he is in a store strapped into his carseat and stop to smile the very second we hit fresh air?! I don't deal well with the intense throat chafing screams...it just works my nerves (and my leaking boobs---See 'leaky boob' post) and makes me wish that I was indeed drunk at 10am.
• The JCP cashiers could easily be swapped in as airport security checkers without anyone noticing. These bitches need badges, I tell you. They take their positions that seriously. They evidently missed the chance to be hall monitors or safety patrol kids while in elementary school and now they have seized upon their imaginary power and are running with it.

Enough about that delightful trip to hell...I would also like to vent my frustrations about Big's inability to listen to me. I am soon going to follow up everything I say with..."Do you hear my words? Please listen to my words." It will be like I am ALWAYS talking to Bug.

We recently got a DVD player for our bedroom...last week. I asked Big to put the DVD player on top of our armoire since there is no room for one inside with the flat screen sitting so close to the shelf. Nevertheless, Big was thrilled when he found that it would fit (just barely) under the TV. I thought..."Fine, I was wrong. It does fit."

Hmmmm....I wasn't wrong. Yes, it does fit under the TV. No, you cannot open the fucking thing because it is 7 inches behind the screen and pitch black inside the armoire. I conducted a 15 minute profanity laced struggle to get Lightning Mc.Queen's hit movie shoved into the damn thing. It was an angel's hair short of impossible to open as I couldn't find a button anywhere on the thing. Thank goodness So.ny likes to streamline their electronics...I couldn't even feel an indentation where any of the buttons are located.

In case you missed it somewhere along the way...I am a BITCH when I am pissed. Needless to say, Big received a hostile phone call while he's on a trip. I instructed him that before he was going to use the bathroom upon getting home, he would be upstairs moving that thing to a new place on TOP of the armoire.

Ah, now I can get on with my day. Thankyouverymuch!

FW: I am a fucking idiot with nothing better to do than pass unverified shit and superstitious email across the internet

Is anyone else as sick as I am of receiving a boatload of forwards from certain people you know?!

Kinda wishing that life had a "de-friend" capability as simple as Facebook.
I would be using it on friends but mostly family.

What the hell kind of time do they think I have with a 3-year old and a 6-week old? Do they realize or even care that I flatly delete EVERY email from them b/c I am afraid to open it and find I wasted even a split second on another ghastly forward without the jazzy "FW" in the subject line?

I want to politely tell them to drop me off their damn contacts list but don't have the polite gene right now. Or the inclination to be polite to someone who is that fucking stupid.

Leaky boobs SOOOOO don't rock

Hello, fourth shirt of the day! Nice to see you by 1:30pm.


I appreciate having a great milk supply but this is certainly the other edge of that sword.
I leak through breast pads and multi layered shirts with surprising frequency.

My girls are showcasing the lactation celebration!

Got the blues...but not the baby blues

Yep, I've got the blues.
And not the cool kind that include a smoky bar with a deep raspy-voiced guy who may have gargled pea gravel 20 minutes before setting foot onstage and performing a kickass guitar solo.

No. I am sad because today was the last day of Bug's first year of preschool. His teachers love him almost as much as I do and you can never feel good leaving your child with someone until they love him. They are great teachers and great women. He was lucky to have them...and vice versa. We will both miss those ladies.

Also, Bug made his very first best friend. His name is Dylan and they became two peas in a pod the last half of this school year. His highlight of the day would be when they got to sit beside each other at lunch. This normally happened as long as they promised not to tell any knock-knock jokes during lunch. Their knock-knock jokes are terrible to be frank. I can't blame the teachers for setting this condition. I frequently impose the 'no knock-knock jokes at meal time rule' myself. Yes, we will have playdates with Dylan and his brothers...but it won't be the same as them being together at school sans parents. Playdates mean that we moms will be there and that makes them just slightly different little boys than when we aren't around.

So, I have the blues. I can only imagine how much harder this gets each year.

Sniffle. Sob.

Living the dream...one year later

Today is the anniversary of one of the hardest days of my life.

Last year, today, we found that Erin had no heartbeat at our 15 week appointment with Super OB. It was a trying day and in some ways harder than the actual delivery two days later. The delivery came almost as a relief and the end of the dream. It is a hard thing to know that you are carrying a dead baby and all those dreams in your body. When I finally delivered her, it was closure. Plus, I knew that I no longer needed to fear the process of delivering a dead baby. I had done it and survived.

I made it through that challenge and recognized this morning while nursing Bub just how far we have come in one year. It was rather surreal to look down at him and put myself back in that place I experienced when I came home from that heart wrenching appointment. It also allowed me the recognition of having made it through a strangely unreal pregnancy. Because as any late loss mother can tell you...there is no sigh of relief or belief in a baby that hasn't breathed a breath outside the womb. This is the actualization of all that I had hoped for with my second pregnancy. Of course, not the same baby but the dream remained the same. We achieved our family of four with our sweet Bub. We treasure our girl in heaven and thank her today and all days for watching over us.

We have been so blessed to get here and so blessed to have had the experience we did with Erin. I am much more connected to happiness and appreciation this time around. It is quite something to know that this is the last baby I will welcome into the world and our family. I had my tubes done with my c-section and it has sweetened everything...in that it is all for the last time. That outlook and perspective is surely not something I would have been capable of in the past. Clearly , Erin is at work in many ways in my life. She is casting light in all kinds of corners for me.

I suppose it is no coincidence that today on the way to swim class, Bug and I sang "Jesus Loves Me" almost the entire 30 minutes drive. Bub even calmed his cries while we sang. The soft cushion of faith and our angel has helped our struggles to seem so necessary and worthy of appreciation. We certainly wouldn't be in 'this place' without the things we went through and I so love 'this place' and all it represents.

You know you are a mom when...

you are stumbling towards the bathroom with a naked newborn covered from head to toe in poop at 4:15 in the morning. I had been hit with it, Bub was artfully decorated in it and we were heading in for a quick sink bath. Turning on and setting the water to a reasonable temperature while stripping off my own pooped on pajamas all with one hand as the other was clutching the naked poop crusted Bub. And what baby is ready for sleep after an impromptu bath in the middle of the night?!

That was a rough one folks! But the day went so perfectly today...it was as if someone 'up there' knew I could only handle so much on so little sleep.

Wahooo....still enjoying it even when I am pooped on.

Exhale...

We are home. All went smoothly. Our little man is here. He is Bub. Bug couldn't be a sweeter, more loving and interested big brother and Bub seems to dig Bug, as well. The tears stop when he hears his big brother's voice nearly every time.

The goal of giving our Bug a brother as a gift has been well received. There will be bumps in the road and times when I question my sanity and the boys will surely do the same. But they are brothers, we are a family of four and this is a smooth transition into our own personal family heaven!

Big has been a gem every moment and has kept the household sailing calmly in the midst of the changes while I lay upstairs nursing nearly non-stop all day. Somehow, the Bub decides to cluster feed himself in the evenings so we all get some solid 2-3 hour chunks of uninterrupted sleep between 9pm-9am!!

I am still not sure who I paid off or slept with or helped out or what...but certainly, I am reaping large benefits for something. I am feeling too lucky and blessed with good fortune to deserve any of it.

Changes in attitudes

No baby today and now I am hoping we make it until our scheduled time tomorrow.

Get ready for TMI

I had a mad diarrhea moment today...and for a girl who has been living with constipation since July (with one brief exception when I had my night of contractions and diarrhea a couple weeks back on a Thursday/Friday) I just knew that signaled the end of pregnancy and the onset of labor. No consistent contractions followed and here I sit hoping and praying that our next little guy waits it out until noon tomorrow.

I am open to whatever comes our way as long as we wind up with a healthy, living, breathing baby brother for our Bug and a fourth crazy member for our family.

Until we meet again.....

What's the 411 on 4/11?

Well, no baby is the primary thing. At least, not thus far on 4/11.

We'll see what 4/12 has to offer. And if nothing more than sporadic contractions come our way in the next 36 hours, our boy will have the birthdate that I chose for him months ago.

We will have a 4/13 boy. I thought that would turn any Friday the 13ths that happen to fall on his birthday into a great day! Plus, at some point during his youth, we could certainly host a Friday the 13th spooky movie birthday party complete with scary food stuff and fearful screams. Ah, I hope he likes the horror films as much as I did when I was a kid.

Good night!

The passing of 4/9 with no baby

Whatever the vibes were that I was having with regard to 4/9 weren't baby related evidently. We made it through yesterday with no baby.

Had a short stretch of 6 minutes apart contractions this afternoon but they decided to lay off which means we are still holding on. On Friday morning, I was having them about 6-7 minutes apart in the morning but still I got up and took Bug to swim class. Just figured he should have his fun even if I was heading to the hospital after class. Thank goodness I wasn't flipping my lid or he'd have missed fun at class for no good reason.

That sums up where we're at. I will try to post quick blips until he arrives.

Steady Betty

I am just Steady Betty...holding here at 2.5 cm dilated and 60% effaced. Yesterday was our last OB visit and we are due for the c-section 4/13 at noon. Should the little guy not decide to kick me into labor before then, we will be hitting the hospital at 9:30 Tuesday morning to check-in and get my pre-surgery bloodwork and nonstress test in the 2 hours before I get wheeled back into the OR.

So, it is kinda surreal. We know that in the next 5 days we will have a baby...barring any unforeseen horrors. I am still hoping in a strange way to wind up in labor and go in for an emergency c. Really, rather than try to sleep the night before knowing we will get up and change our lives and Bug's life. It just will really make me nutty. Super OB told me I can pop a ben.adryl the night before but I am no pill popper for sleep...pills just never seem to have the calming effect on me. I figure I will be so wired that it would just have the reverse effect and I would be wired while kinda drunkish feeling. No thanks.

But from a planning standpoint and a peace of mind for my Bug, I hope we can make it to our scheduled date. Still, I know that my plans matter not an ounce in the scheme of things and I can embrace that.

So, here's to another baby. Another boy. A bundle of boy joy.

And most of all, here's to my Bug, the the boy who stole my heart for the first time and made me a mother. It is torment to think that he will not be the sole center of my universe in just a few short days. He will be sharing that spotlight with another little guy. That breaks my heart today. As excited as I am to be giving him a partner in crime and a brother to share in our family crazy...I am terrified that I may forever be changing him as a person and the boy I know and love will be gone. I will, of course, know and love whoever he is or whoever he becomes or love him if he doesn't change one tiny smidge. But it still makes me a little sad...sad enough to have a little cry.

Bluebonnets and our little bug

And while pictures are delicious...I will include a little update on my status.

Yesterday's OB visit finds me at 2.5 cm and still 60% effaced. Only an extra half centimeter since last week. I told her we hadn't progressed far in that department before she checked. I can tell when the contractions are working my cervix...just like I can tell when the little man is working it with his head, arm, whatever else he's used to prod it in the last several weeks.

I think we will be having this little one before the next doctor visit on Thursday but I am super comfortable to 4/9, as well. That date has been resonating with me for some reason for quite a while. If he were born that day, he and Bug would share their numerology number-7. Not that I am super into that sort of stuff but I calculated it when I kept coming back to 4/9.

We shall see. Time will tell.

Meanwhile, enjoy another bluebonnet Bug pic and I hope to post again before the big arrival.

One of my rougher nights

Friday, I had A LOT of contractions. They started a short while after dinner as I had a very active day and they continued when I went to bed at 7:30pm. They slowed/stopped around 9pm and then I went downstairs around 9:15 for ice cream. After ice cream, I wandered back upstairs and got sidetracked in baby boy's room. I decided to straighten up a few things and wound up in there for about half an hour doing work. The contractions had started back up but I needed to finish what I had started. It wasn't much longer until I went back to bed. I wasn't ready to have this baby and I wanted to slow them down again.

Oddly, the contractions remained frequent but inconsistent (coming at most about 7 minutes apart and other times 2 minutes apart) and they kept on hitting regardless of me being in bed. I tried to tune them out while I watched every damn show I had tivo'd. I was up reading and watching TV until about 2am. Still, the contractions continued. I finally decided to turn everything off and try to focus on sleep. It didn't work.

I was freaking out but only because I was scared that at some point the contractions would become consistent and then we would have to leave for the hospital...in the middle of the night with Bug asleep. Our neighbors, across the street, are our go-to family to stay here when we need to run to the hospital and they are out of town. There was no way I was going to go to the hospital without a plan for Bug and that caused me to lose my marbles. I was there in the dark having a total freak-out. And I didn't want to wake Big. So, I suffered solo and was miserable for hours. Finally, at 5:30 I got out of bed, showered and got ready for the day. We had a great day planned and I didn't want to miss it. Even more strangely, the contractions stopped shortly after I showered.

The hours I spent in bed awake really bothered me. I had so many thoughts racing through my head and most of them (really all of them) were scary, negative, full of doubt. This whole birth experience with another child is totally different. There just seems to be so much more to worry about this time around. And not much if it is about me. After a night of no sleep, my irrational tense nervous side was all I had to offer. I was an emotional mess yesterday and felt an unidentifiable undercurrent of ick.

With the benefit of a lot of sleep last night and sleeping in this morning while Big and Bug went to church without me, I was a new woman. I realized that I just need to do what Bug always does...and what I remind him to do when things are challenging for us.

I remind him often that he can change his mind and realized that I could also do it...just change my mind. So I did. I changed my mind. Instead of being scared and worrying when the time comes, I am going to be excited. I am going to be exicted for Bug to become a big brother. I am going to be excited to meet our next son. I am going to be happy to get to the hospital and get the ball rolling and stay there (uncomfortable beds and all) for a few days of peace before I come home to my job and our new life. I am going to be excited about it all. and whatever other stuff comes with it...is not going anywhere whether I focus on it or not. So, why bother?!

That Friday night brought me full circle in a strange way...part of the tension I carried with me that night and the day after was the feelings from the last time I spent a night wide awake in the dark in bed. The night before I was induced to have Erin. I was paying attention to every twinge in my body because I had been given a few different meds that would start contractions and labor. It was an internal struggle and I felt a lot of that on Friday. Of course, I had different thoughts but they were tough just the same. I was so scared to crawl into bed last night and thought it was going to be fitful and scary like the night before. It wasn't. I slept like a log. And went right back to sleep after every bathroom break. I was tired and needed it. Thank goodness for a good night of rest.

May the next solo sleepless night be with my second son snuggling in my arms....while his daddy and big brother sleep peacefully in their beds.

The update...pretty meaningless though, if you really want my opinion

So, today was my 36 week OB appointment.

It went well although she hadn't gotten my paperwork from the high-risk dr from my Tuesday visit. That is a non-event, in any case.

I am 2 cm dilated and 60% effaced...which truly means nothing.. The first time moms out there may think it could be any minute now but I realize we will quite likely make it easily to next weeks dr. appointment without fail. That is good.

My birthday is next Tuesday and I would rather not be in the hospital for that, if at all possible. To put it mildly, I don't enjoy the hospital beds in post-partum and it'd be great to be home sleeping in my own bed for the night of my birthday. For what it's worth, I will take a healthy baby anytime but if I am getting my preference granted I may as well put the request out there to have my birthday pass at home with our little 3 person family for one last birthday celebration.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I will keep the blog updated if I do happen to start with the contractions...if so, they are taking the little guy out from today's doctor appointment on.

A little break to deal with a (possible) little break

A (not so) quick little update...

We have been a busy bunch trying to get ready for the arrival of Baby Boy #2. And getting in some rest. And just maneuvering through the daily routines and chores.

The kooky news...yesterday as I was vacuuming, Bug decided it would be a great time to jump on the sofa. It was all fun and games until he launched himself off the sofa and into the coffee table. Did I mention that he was leading with his face...his nose, in particular? Needless to say, we had tears and blood. Much more blood than tears but little boy wonder is a trooper. After holding on the phone for what seemed an eternity, I got the pediatrician's nurse on the line and she told me we could come in today and have the doc take a look. It didn't amount to much since the swelling is still pretty bad. We get to keep an eye on the Bug's nose and see if there is any evident bump or bend when the swelling subsides. If so, we can get to the ENT to set it. She put much of my fear to rest by explaining that we have 2 weeks before the re-setting would involve re-breaking the nose. So, I'm feeling fairly confident that we will have plenty of time to see the nose sans swelling to avoid and unnecessary agony for my little man. Perhaps he hasn't been initiated into boyhood with a break but I consider him 'all boy' regardless!

Just because the universe likes a chuckle every now and then...Big came home from work yesterday and announced he wouldn't be joining us for dinner. I had a crazy day with laundry (4 loads total when I added in all the load of bloody clothes for Bug and I) and vacuuming, mopping, cooking and then cleaning from dinner. I also got to manage bathtime and bedtime which are 2 things I normally leave in his capable hands. But bless his heart. He's got the stomach flu. He thought it was something he had eaten but he hadn't eaten much. AND when he was still dreary this morning, we knew he needed to lay low and stay home today. We do a good job of keeping him away from us...germ-wise so I hope the boy and I dodge this bullet. But time will tell. Tonight, Big even made it downstairs and had a bagel and chicken soup with us during dinner. It was nearly like normal...the family dinner. I commandeered the evening chores again and actually didn't mind it all too much. Still, I am looking forward to a completely healthy family sometime soon.

Today, I saw my high-risk OB for the last visit. The ultrasound went well...as they have this pregnancy and my homocysteine levels are still coming back very low which is great news. Low homocysteine signifies that I am not having any clotting issues right now which is critical in the third trimester for an heterozygous MTHFR girl. He said they would look forward to baby boy pics when he arrives. I thanked them all profusely for the appointments, reassurances and peace of mind they have lent during this pregnancy.

My 36 week OB visit is Thursday. She'll be checking my cervix and doing our normal doppler check.

We are nearing the end of this pregnancy. I am hoping we have a good outcome but I still don't feel we are in the clear. In fact, tonight when I was putting Bug down to bed...my heart skipped a beat. We normally sing "You Are My Sunshine" every day when I put him down for nap and sometimes he likes to sing it at bedtime.

He decided to change it up a bit and sang...

"You are my baby, my only baby, you make me happy when skies are grey. You never know Baby, how much I love you. Please don't take my baby away."

I nearly died when he said that last line. Then I started to panic and wonder when was the last time I had felt a movement. I am still a bit panicked but I am just going to indulge in a bit of ice cream or pie and wait for the sugar Olympics to work their magic.

That's what I've been up to. Counting down and hoping for the best!

Share yourself

I don't know this blogger and have never read her before today. But after reading her heart-wrenching story,  I wanted to share this with anyone who happens on my blog today. Please go lend her support and buoy her spirits through this amazingly tough time.

I can relate in such a small way but can't imagine the full impact of her loss. I pray that I won't have to know that particular loss as we stare down the barrel at 36 weeks.

When you have experienced a late loss, there is NEVER a time when you feel like you are sincerely in the clear until you are holding your baby alive in your arms.

New solution for cold hands...

So, I just had to share this. Although, when I ask myself why I feel so compelled, I am struggling to come up with a reasonable answer. We'll just call this another adventure in motherhood.

Yesterday Bug walked up to me in the living room with his hands 'behind his back.' At least, that's where I thought they were. Until he told me, "My hands stay nice and cozy in my butt, Mommy."

Well, yes, I suppose that would warm them up.

And in related hands-in-the pants-news...I must admit that I prefer this to when he has his hands down the back of his pants and he shouts in agitation..."Just Checking!" in response to me asking what he's doing.

No, I am not sure what exactly he is checking. Not sure, I care to.

Wordless Wednesday---Why I Might Be a Real Bitch

Just maybe.

The end of the rainbow...

After a month of spewing puppies, warm chocolate chip cookies and sunshine...it's time for some hostility and frustration to issue forth!

I will preface by stating that perhaps my tremendous irritation at this situation is exacerbated by the pregnancy, hormones, lack of sleep AND the daily non-stop discomforts of being way too pregnant while solo-momming a 3 year old little man. Or maybe I am just a normal girl who has had enough of wackadoo baggers at the grocery store and all those other factors are irrelevant. You decide.

I am anal. I am a perfectionist....regarding certain things. I am very particular about how I do things. I like to think that there is a reason why I do everything. Every. Thing. Just ask Big. He hears it all the time. When he attempts to do something and he does it 'wrong' (in my opinion) I always run through the laundry list o' reasons why I do things the way I do them.

When I grocery shop, I have a precise method of loading the buggy. It happens to keep all the refrigerated foods together, produce together, frozen foods together, canned goods together, etc.... You get the idea. I think most people tend to shop this way. I put my groceries on the conveyor belt at checkout in the same organized groupings. We have 2 fridges...one inside and one in the garage. I try to minimize the number of trips I make back and forth with bags. I anticipate that any bagger with an ounce of sense is bagging in organizationed categories, as well.

But that was my mistake today. I shouldn't even have entertained such a ridiculously impossible notion.

The bagger today was blindly grabbing and tossing things in arbitrary bags. It was a total shitstorm and I was busy trying to keep my head from popping off my body  It was almost like she had 4 bags open at the end of the conveyor and was just mixing and matching items into each bag...not putting back-to-back items in the same bag as if her life depended on it. I have truly never experienced anything quite like this at the store. There was absolutely NO rhyme or reason to her technique. To add insult to injury, she clearly took zero notice of the fact that I am large-as-a-house-pregnant and clearly incapable of hoisting bags that weigh 45 pounds a piece.

Plainly put, this woman was a complete idiot or is maybe the newest contestant on a game show that attempts to see who can get fired the quickest from their job.

It took a troubling amount of time to unload groceries today. I had to set all the bags on the floor of the garage and sort items into the garage fridge. Then I lifted all those same bags and brought them into the house to unload them into the inside fridge and pantry.

Thank the good lord I didn't have any bread or eggs today as we picked those up on Sunday. I can't imagine what condition they would have been in when we got home.

Yes, in true frustrated fashion, I have taken to the internet with my anger and my facebook status today reflected my morning trip to the store, also.

Tootertotz would have preferred a one-armed, brain-damaged marmoset to the 'speed bagging genius' responsible for my groceries this morning. Probably shouldn't have ventured directly to the store after navigating a morning at the car inspection spot. In any case, that bagger SUCKED!

The end of a LOVE-ly month

Here we are already at the end of my blogging month of LOVE. I have shared some random stuff but all of it was great for me this month.

Today, we went out on a strong note and I LOVE how my baby sprinkle was a low key afternoon spent with girlfriends. Absolutely perfect! We ate loads of sweets, too. What could ever be less than great about stuffing yourself with brownies, pie, cake, sherbet punch and fresh fruit?! My idea of heaven, for sure.

I know a few weeks back, I said I was feeling forgotten by my girlfriends with regard to this pregnancy but I was wrong and am comfortable admitting that. They were initially trying to respect my feelings about this pregnancy and weren't sure how to approach the subject of whether or not I was even okay with a party to celebrate this pregnancy. All but one of the people who made it to the shower are aware of our loss this past summer and have all been very supportive of us. The one who doesn't know would have been equally supportive but just wasn't in on that part of our story...no worries there.

I also mentioned the hostess gifts and I did manage to get a couple pics...here they are.

It has been a great month and I hope to find some good blogging material for the month ahead. Surely, with 6 weeks until baby #2, I need to soak up the freedom to blog without a baby attached to my boob or in my arms. Sayonara, February...and au revoir Olympics.

Completion of crafting-whew!

I am not crafty. I like to do crafty things occasionally but please know that I am NOT crafty. I like to look at crafty websites and blogs but I don't fancy myself very good at the task. Still, for some reason, I chose to make something for the co-hostesses of my baby 'sprinkle' rather than buy them something. And let's be honest...when I say "for some reason" what I mean is that I needed to do something thoughtful that didn't cost a small fortune as there are 9 co-hostesses for the shower. It is easy to get pretty pricey when you are buying something thoughtful for that many ladies.

I found some really cute glass votive bowls. Then I got a roll of pink ribbon to wrap around the top of the bowl and a roll of lavender ribbon to wrap around the bottom of the bowl. The goal is for the girls to have a spring-y votive holder or candy display dish. So, to complete the bowls, I made lavender chiffon buttons and attached them to the top pink ribbon. I then filled the bowls with pillow mints and nested a wrapped gardenia-scented votive in the lavender chiffon all tied with a pretty pink bow. I also included a little Easter egg ornament that the girls can hang over the button to decorate their bowls for Easter.

I am DONE with this project completely and the gifts are all wrapped in white tissue and tucked into pastel gift bags. All are ready to be handed out tomorrow. It was quite a job and took a lot more time and effort than I initially expected but I am a bit of a perfectionist. And it was pretty fun...which I couldn't have said until it was all done. A deep sigh of relief is what you just overheard.

I LOVE that they turned out cute and I LOVE that they are done.

I will post a pic tomorrow if I get a chance to download the pics tonight.

God bless...

I LOVE praying with Bug at bedtime.

Today has been a rough day. I am starting to come down with a sore throat thus feeling warm and run-down. Big has earned a little free-time and is off enjoying a poker night at one of his buddy's houses so we haven't seen him since he left for work this morning at 6:30. I wore myself out finishing up the project that I am making as a thank you for all 9 of the co-hostesses for my baby "sprinkle" on Sunday. I was struggling to come up with a love for the day until we were laying in my bed after watching Bug's sleepy treat show...Good.night Moon and Other Sleepytime Tales. After we watched 3 short segments, we talked about the things we did today. Then we launched into our goodnight prayer.

He starts out thanking God for a wonderful day and then starts blessing all the people he loves. My day was made when he blessed our whole family together.

"God bless Daddy and Mommy and Buggy and Baby Brudda."

That was the highlight of my day...and the highlight of many days.

Amen.

New digs

I LOVE the new digs here on my blog. I decided to make a pop on over to the cutest blog on the block and pretend that I have any computer/internet savvy whatsoever. Well, well, well, the site is easy to use. Although I tried a while back and didn't think it was...or I gave up before I even found a template that I liked a lot. My pea-sized memory and attention span of a gnat don't permit me to know the actual reason for any previous difficulties there.

So, that is today's lovely pleasure. A new look for a not so new spot. And I updated the picture to show our actual house. What could be cooler than a picture of our Austin, TX house in a snowfall?! That is a memory worth hanging onto for a while, at least.

Maybe I will just keep it up until the next wild animal kept in captivity surprises people by doing what it normally would do, if it weren't in captivity. That gives me about 6 months max to find a new picture to headline the old blog page.

Tums and teeth

Today was Bug's 6 month dental visit and that is not his favorite place to go. We made it through with no major meltdowns and his teeth are looking good. Really, what could his teeth look like besides good? He's only had them for about 2 years. And we aren't sugar pushers plus we brush twice a day and floss once a day. SO, hopefully, we can maintain good teeth for him and keep the dentist from being a really negative spot for him to go every 6 months.

It may not seem like much but I LOVE the fruity flavored T.ums. They are a staple in my diet with the olympic caliber heartburn I have been experiencing. I used to have the mint ones and they just can't hold a candle to these fruity ones. So, yes, today it is the fruit t.ums that have made the hot list o' love.

And here is a picture of the snow Bug I LOVED yesterday!

Snow Bug

I LOVE that it snowed today in Austin, TX and Bug got to play in it for the first time ever. He loved the snowballs!

I will post a pic later but am running out the door to a dinner with a girlfriend visiting from NC.

What a treat!!

Being the favorite

Sure, it's not polite or politically correct or even very nice to admit this but I LOVE being the favorite.

Bug is on a mama kick and it is nice. I am a super strict but consistent mama and it seems to work well for him. It seems strange to me that even though we have our rough patches each day...and some days there are more rough patches than smooth patches...he still holds me as his favorite.

It is terrible for Big at times that Bug only wants me but that is just where he's at right now. And I like it. Hell, I LOVE it!

Tonight following bath by Daddy, we all went into Bug's room for the nighty-night routine. After Big read him a story, he rolled over looked at me and said, "Let's pray---Togedda!" Big started to pray but Bug stopped him and said, "No, mama and me togedda." So, we prayed together and blessed all sorts of people. On a high note, Daddy gets blessed right up at the top of the blessings. So really, it can't be all that bad to be him and be in second place with Bug for now.

It will pass and I just enjoy it while it lasts.

Laughing until you wheeze

I LOVE laughing until I wheeze. Today I did a good bit of that.

Had a girls lunch with a few close friends and we got all caught up on the details of our lives. Then had some food. (Replace the word "some" with the words "an exorbitant amount of" for a more accurate description of MY lunch) We capped it all off with lots of laughs and an abundance of profane language!

Ahhhh, it is a grown up treat to sit back, laugh and cuss like there are no children around...because there were NO children around. I soaked up the free girl time today and I look forward to our next chance to do it again...when I have 2 little guys at home. But, the next time will surely be a shorter visit with the pressing need to breastfeed a baby at home. On the up side, next time I get a beer!

It'll be a.long.time. before I can freely spend 3 hours sitting at a restaurant with the girls...but oh was it fun today!

My work uniform

I LOVE yoga capri pants. Sure, they are probably passe in terms of fashion trends  or more likely were never fashionable. But I don't give a damn in the sincerest sense. Today we were at Sam's and I spotted a little table of capris and matching short sleeve hoodies. I got 3 pairs of capris and one hoodie...with a nod and smile from Big. I never buy clothes and he saw the sheer elation when I stumbled upon the table. And he was buying...which should be clear as my job pays only in hugs and kisses and unfortunately for us SAHMs, the stores don't deal in this currency as of yet.

I consider the capris to be my work uniform of motherhood. They are comfy but don't look entirely schleppy and can be easily spruced up with a cute pair of shoes and top. I just had dreamy visions of our summer trip to the beach and me getting dressed in my new capris for dinner out each night with a pair of summery sandals...the hoodie will be perfect as an extra light layer over a tank for the chilly restaurants.

Today...I LOVE capris and the matching hoodie and Big for buying them all with a smile.

Mini girls night in

I LOVE having a little time with girlfriends to chat and just be.

Tonight, we hosted a poker night for a husband of a girlfriend who just had their first child. The boys came over and brought diapers for the new dad and I got to go over and spend time with the new mom, my friend.

It was great to hang for a bit and it scared me to remember what chaos awaits us in that first several weeks of having a newborn again. Our memories are kind to us and allow us to forget so easily. Her little man is precious and sweet...and he is going through a growth spurt or something b/c he won't let her put him down for even a second. Bless their hearts...I hope they all get some sleep tonight!

Love to help a friend in need

Giving is getting in such a real way. There isn't much that feels as good as helping someone out when they can use it.

My good friend had surgery last week and is finally back home from the hospital and we are glad she is home and recovering. Her two kids are coming home from her sister's house today and she is going to be recovering for a while from this first leg of surgery before she heads back to Houston for the next step which will be daily radiation treatments for 6 weeks. What a trooper!

Tonight we are having she, her husband and their kiddos over for dinner rather than bringing it over and them having to clean up afterward...they just come to our house, eat, let the kids burn off some energy playing with Bug and then they head home with full bellies and wiped out children. Hopefully, it gives them one less thing to worry about today and a good night relaxing together after the kids fall into bed and go to sleep.

I LOVE to do a little something that can make life a little easier for someone who is a great inspiration.

Sometimes the universe kicks you when you're down...

Sometimes the universe kicks you when you're down and it's awesome when you kick it right back in the groin!

Today I LOVE all the cleaning I was able to accomplish. I planned to do Bug's laundry and get the kitchen cleaned in prep for the poker party we are hosting on Friday night. That's when the universe took its best shot at me. I had a load of my wash in the washer and one in the dryer that needed to be fluffed and folded from last night after Bug went to bed. As I went in to wake him this morning, he let me know that he was wet and the whole bed was wet, too.

That meant, I got to strip the sheets, pillowcases, duvet and duvet cover and do ALL that laundry as well...and have it washed, dried and replaced on his bed in time for nap today. It was a time crunch getting all the loads washed and dried and getting the bed made and duvet back on the bed but it worked out. And the momentum of all that hurrying allowed me to get in a groove and wash Bug's laundry and the remaining things for "Baby Brudda" that needed to be washed. Four loads washed/dried/folded today plus the two from last night that needed to be finished made 6 loads total completed today!!!

I kept up the work and got all the countertops and the range cleaned. Plus, I dusted and cleaned the kitchen table and all the chairs. Then I vaccumed all the floors downstairs.

Ahhhhh, I LOVE a clean area. And it makes it all the better to have given the universe a body blow in the process.

A sane husband makes all the difference in the world

Big is traveling right now. Traveling in Laredo. Laredo isn't the safest place on earth to be. It's one of the border cities in Texas where Americans who get too close to the border or dare to cross it can wind up disappearing.

To be embarassingly honest, I didn't even realize where Laredo was until I caught a glimpse of it on a map today. The second I saw it...I picked up the cell phone and called Big in the middle of his work day. Thankfully, he answered rather than letting me go to voicemail. It's always a crap shoot with his work schedule whether or not he can answer in the day. I immediately let him know that we would prefer he be as safe as possible and be cautious in everything he did today. He didn't brush my panic off but went ahead and reassured me.

Tonight when I spoke with him, he told me how the sales rep he was training/coaching today told him the exact same thing I did. That he needed to steer as far from the border as possible to avoid anything crazy happening. Big isn't a fool and he is watching his step down there and keeping himself safe. Thank goodness, I didn't marry an idiotic 'hero" type who feels like he needs to prove something in situations that are precarious. He's a sane man...and he wants to come home happily and safely from this trip and every subsequent trip to Laredo. Thank goodness for him...he's what I love about today.

Snuggle time

I LOVE snuggle time. Bug has a fairly new habit of squeezing into my recliner with me and watching 'Caillou' together before he and Big head upstairs for bath time. What just caught me off guard and made this the best snuggle time ever...

Bug shouted (very puzzled) "WHAT WAS THAT!?!"

That was 'baby brudda' giving him a swift kick b/c he is snuggled in so tightly beside me. Before I could even say anything, he looked up and said, "Oh! That was baby brudda kicking me, huh?!"

Big smiles all around!

Pure and Simple

I LOVE my boys...all 2.5 of them.

That truly sums up today.

Chicken Spaghetti, salad and garlic bread

I LOVE trying new recipes that are a smashing success!

Today we tried a chicken spaghetti recipe from a cookbook I recently bought. It was a little labor intensive (but only b/c I pulled apart the rotisserie chicken for it today instead of using another pre-cooked chicken) but sooooo well worth the effort. It would have otherwise been simple AND heavenly. We also whipped up a hearts of romaine caesar salad with kalamata olives, feta, grape tomatoes and shredded carrots. Big sliced a fresh french bread loaf and made parmesan garlic bread which was like the icing on the meal!

Evidently, Bug was still full from his after nap snack of popcorn and blueberry nutri-grain bar...he didn't eat but a bite or two. Oh, well...he'll live. And he'll get a second chance at glory b/c we'll be having leftovers!!!

Baby steps for the baby

Sure, I am paying for it now but I LOVE that I got almost all the baby stuff cleaned and put back together for Tiny Baby's arrival. My back isn't happy with me but the progress is divine.

We have cleaned and put fresh batteries in both baby papasan chairs and the baby papasan swing. The Sesame Street exersaucer/detachable walker is sanitized and all that is left to clean is the Baby Einstein bouncer which is going to take a good bit of energy and I need to remove and wash the seat cushions for the exersaucer and bouncer. Yes, I realize that he won't be using either of those anytime soon but they will be clean and ready to go in our guest room for the day he's in prime jumping and sitting mode.

For some silly reason...well, I suppose it isn't silly seeing as we would have had to keep all this stuff in our guest bedroom...we stored all these baby items in our attic. The attic stays at ridiculously hot temps all summer and remains rather warm even in winter. There is insulation everywhere up there and it is just plain dusty. Oh, how I wish we'd had a nice empty room in our house that isn't subject to the ills of the attic to have stored all this stuff.

In any case, I am loving the progress...now, I will retire to my recliner and lounge like a log for the rest of the evening and celebrate my personal victory against the grime.