One of my rougher nights

Friday, I had A LOT of contractions. They started a short while after dinner as I had a very active day and they continued when I went to bed at 7:30pm. They slowed/stopped around 9pm and then I went downstairs around 9:15 for ice cream. After ice cream, I wandered back upstairs and got sidetracked in baby boy's room. I decided to straighten up a few things and wound up in there for about half an hour doing work. The contractions had started back up but I needed to finish what I had started. It wasn't much longer until I went back to bed. I wasn't ready to have this baby and I wanted to slow them down again.

Oddly, the contractions remained frequent but inconsistent (coming at most about 7 minutes apart and other times 2 minutes apart) and they kept on hitting regardless of me being in bed. I tried to tune them out while I watched every damn show I had tivo'd. I was up reading and watching TV until about 2am. Still, the contractions continued. I finally decided to turn everything off and try to focus on sleep. It didn't work.

I was freaking out but only because I was scared that at some point the contractions would become consistent and then we would have to leave for the hospital...in the middle of the night with Bug asleep. Our neighbors, across the street, are our go-to family to stay here when we need to run to the hospital and they are out of town. There was no way I was going to go to the hospital without a plan for Bug and that caused me to lose my marbles. I was there in the dark having a total freak-out. And I didn't want to wake Big. So, I suffered solo and was miserable for hours. Finally, at 5:30 I got out of bed, showered and got ready for the day. We had a great day planned and I didn't want to miss it. Even more strangely, the contractions stopped shortly after I showered.

The hours I spent in bed awake really bothered me. I had so many thoughts racing through my head and most of them (really all of them) were scary, negative, full of doubt. This whole birth experience with another child is totally different. There just seems to be so much more to worry about this time around. And not much if it is about me. After a night of no sleep, my irrational tense nervous side was all I had to offer. I was an emotional mess yesterday and felt an unidentifiable undercurrent of ick.

With the benefit of a lot of sleep last night and sleeping in this morning while Big and Bug went to church without me, I was a new woman. I realized that I just need to do what Bug always does...and what I remind him to do when things are challenging for us.

I remind him often that he can change his mind and realized that I could also do it...just change my mind. So I did. I changed my mind. Instead of being scared and worrying when the time comes, I am going to be excited. I am going to be exicted for Bug to become a big brother. I am going to be excited to meet our next son. I am going to be happy to get to the hospital and get the ball rolling and stay there (uncomfortable beds and all) for a few days of peace before I come home to my job and our new life. I am going to be excited about it all. and whatever other stuff comes with it...is not going anywhere whether I focus on it or not. So, why bother?!

That Friday night brought me full circle in a strange way...part of the tension I carried with me that night and the day after was the feelings from the last time I spent a night wide awake in the dark in bed. The night before I was induced to have Erin. I was paying attention to every twinge in my body because I had been given a few different meds that would start contractions and labor. It was an internal struggle and I felt a lot of that on Friday. Of course, I had different thoughts but they were tough just the same. I was so scared to crawl into bed last night and thought it was going to be fitful and scary like the night before. It wasn't. I slept like a log. And went right back to sleep after every bathroom break. I was tired and needed it. Thank goodness for a good night of rest.

May the next solo sleepless night be with my second son snuggling in my arms....while his daddy and big brother sleep peacefully in their beds.

The update...pretty meaningless though, if you really want my opinion

So, today was my 36 week OB appointment.

It went well although she hadn't gotten my paperwork from the high-risk dr from my Tuesday visit. That is a non-event, in any case.

I am 2 cm dilated and 60% effaced...which truly means nothing.. The first time moms out there may think it could be any minute now but I realize we will quite likely make it easily to next weeks dr. appointment without fail. That is good.

My birthday is next Tuesday and I would rather not be in the hospital for that, if at all possible. To put it mildly, I don't enjoy the hospital beds in post-partum and it'd be great to be home sleeping in my own bed for the night of my birthday. For what it's worth, I will take a healthy baby anytime but if I am getting my preference granted I may as well put the request out there to have my birthday pass at home with our little 3 person family for one last birthday celebration.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I will keep the blog updated if I do happen to start with the contractions...if so, they are taking the little guy out from today's doctor appointment on.

A little break to deal with a (possible) little break

A (not so) quick little update...

We have been a busy bunch trying to get ready for the arrival of Baby Boy #2. And getting in some rest. And just maneuvering through the daily routines and chores.

The kooky news...yesterday as I was vacuuming, Bug decided it would be a great time to jump on the sofa. It was all fun and games until he launched himself off the sofa and into the coffee table. Did I mention that he was leading with his face...his nose, in particular? Needless to say, we had tears and blood. Much more blood than tears but little boy wonder is a trooper. After holding on the phone for what seemed an eternity, I got the pediatrician's nurse on the line and she told me we could come in today and have the doc take a look. It didn't amount to much since the swelling is still pretty bad. We get to keep an eye on the Bug's nose and see if there is any evident bump or bend when the swelling subsides. If so, we can get to the ENT to set it. She put much of my fear to rest by explaining that we have 2 weeks before the re-setting would involve re-breaking the nose. So, I'm feeling fairly confident that we will have plenty of time to see the nose sans swelling to avoid and unnecessary agony for my little man. Perhaps he hasn't been initiated into boyhood with a break but I consider him 'all boy' regardless!

Just because the universe likes a chuckle every now and then...Big came home from work yesterday and announced he wouldn't be joining us for dinner. I had a crazy day with laundry (4 loads total when I added in all the load of bloody clothes for Bug and I) and vacuuming, mopping, cooking and then cleaning from dinner. I also got to manage bathtime and bedtime which are 2 things I normally leave in his capable hands. But bless his heart. He's got the stomach flu. He thought it was something he had eaten but he hadn't eaten much. AND when he was still dreary this morning, we knew he needed to lay low and stay home today. We do a good job of keeping him away from us...germ-wise so I hope the boy and I dodge this bullet. But time will tell. Tonight, Big even made it downstairs and had a bagel and chicken soup with us during dinner. It was nearly like normal...the family dinner. I commandeered the evening chores again and actually didn't mind it all too much. Still, I am looking forward to a completely healthy family sometime soon.

Today, I saw my high-risk OB for the last visit. The ultrasound went well...as they have this pregnancy and my homocysteine levels are still coming back very low which is great news. Low homocysteine signifies that I am not having any clotting issues right now which is critical in the third trimester for an heterozygous MTHFR girl. He said they would look forward to baby boy pics when he arrives. I thanked them all profusely for the appointments, reassurances and peace of mind they have lent during this pregnancy.

My 36 week OB visit is Thursday. She'll be checking my cervix and doing our normal doppler check.

We are nearing the end of this pregnancy. I am hoping we have a good outcome but I still don't feel we are in the clear. In fact, tonight when I was putting Bug down to bed...my heart skipped a beat. We normally sing "You Are My Sunshine" every day when I put him down for nap and sometimes he likes to sing it at bedtime.

He decided to change it up a bit and sang...

"You are my baby, my only baby, you make me happy when skies are grey. You never know Baby, how much I love you. Please don't take my baby away."

I nearly died when he said that last line. Then I started to panic and wonder when was the last time I had felt a movement. I am still a bit panicked but I am just going to indulge in a bit of ice cream or pie and wait for the sugar Olympics to work their magic.

That's what I've been up to. Counting down and hoping for the best!

Share yourself

I don't know this blogger and have never read her before today. But after reading her heart-wrenching story,  I wanted to share this with anyone who happens on my blog today. Please go lend her support and buoy her spirits through this amazingly tough time.

I can relate in such a small way but can't imagine the full impact of her loss. I pray that I won't have to know that particular loss as we stare down the barrel at 36 weeks.

When you have experienced a late loss, there is NEVER a time when you feel like you are sincerely in the clear until you are holding your baby alive in your arms.

New solution for cold hands...

So, I just had to share this. Although, when I ask myself why I feel so compelled, I am struggling to come up with a reasonable answer. We'll just call this another adventure in motherhood.

Yesterday Bug walked up to me in the living room with his hands 'behind his back.' At least, that's where I thought they were. Until he told me, "My hands stay nice and cozy in my butt, Mommy."

Well, yes, I suppose that would warm them up.

And in related hands-in-the pants-news...I must admit that I prefer this to when he has his hands down the back of his pants and he shouts in agitation..."Just Checking!" in response to me asking what he's doing.

No, I am not sure what exactly he is checking. Not sure, I care to.

Wordless Wednesday---Why I Might Be a Real Bitch

Just maybe.

The end of the rainbow...

After a month of spewing puppies, warm chocolate chip cookies and sunshine...it's time for some hostility and frustration to issue forth!

I will preface by stating that perhaps my tremendous irritation at this situation is exacerbated by the pregnancy, hormones, lack of sleep AND the daily non-stop discomforts of being way too pregnant while solo-momming a 3 year old little man. Or maybe I am just a normal girl who has had enough of wackadoo baggers at the grocery store and all those other factors are irrelevant. You decide.

I am anal. I am a perfectionist....regarding certain things. I am very particular about how I do things. I like to think that there is a reason why I do everything. Every. Thing. Just ask Big. He hears it all the time. When he attempts to do something and he does it 'wrong' (in my opinion) I always run through the laundry list o' reasons why I do things the way I do them.

When I grocery shop, I have a precise method of loading the buggy. It happens to keep all the refrigerated foods together, produce together, frozen foods together, canned goods together, etc.... You get the idea. I think most people tend to shop this way. I put my groceries on the conveyor belt at checkout in the same organized groupings. We have 2 fridges...one inside and one in the garage. I try to minimize the number of trips I make back and forth with bags. I anticipate that any bagger with an ounce of sense is bagging in organizationed categories, as well.

But that was my mistake today. I shouldn't even have entertained such a ridiculously impossible notion.

The bagger today was blindly grabbing and tossing things in arbitrary bags. It was a total shitstorm and I was busy trying to keep my head from popping off my body  It was almost like she had 4 bags open at the end of the conveyor and was just mixing and matching items into each bag...not putting back-to-back items in the same bag as if her life depended on it. I have truly never experienced anything quite like this at the store. There was absolutely NO rhyme or reason to her technique. To add insult to injury, she clearly took zero notice of the fact that I am large-as-a-house-pregnant and clearly incapable of hoisting bags that weigh 45 pounds a piece.

Plainly put, this woman was a complete idiot or is maybe the newest contestant on a game show that attempts to see who can get fired the quickest from their job.

It took a troubling amount of time to unload groceries today. I had to set all the bags on the floor of the garage and sort items into the garage fridge. Then I lifted all those same bags and brought them into the house to unload them into the inside fridge and pantry.

Thank the good lord I didn't have any bread or eggs today as we picked those up on Sunday. I can't imagine what condition they would have been in when we got home.

Yes, in true frustrated fashion, I have taken to the internet with my anger and my facebook status today reflected my morning trip to the store, also.

Tootertotz would have preferred a one-armed, brain-damaged marmoset to the 'speed bagging genius' responsible for my groceries this morning. Probably shouldn't have ventured directly to the store after navigating a morning at the car inspection spot. In any case, that bagger SUCKED!