Impromptu OB visit

Well, I had some strange cramping on Tuesday and the freaking out began in earnest. I called the OB's office on Wednesday to schedule a visit to try and find the heartbeat with the doppler. I asked to come in Thursday or Friday and they got me in Thursday morning.

Again, they are my heroes!!

When I got called back, the nurse walked me to a room and clarified that I was there to check for a heartbeat. I said yes and she scooted out quickly to get my doctor...Super OB. A few minutes later, Super OB poked her head in my room and asked if I wanted to do an ultrasound. I defer to her on all matters related to my pregnancy. She said she'd rather do an u/s so we could be sure that we weren't missing a heartbeat via doppler due to how early along I am. (I am 11w plus) So, we went into an ultrasound room and she quickly turned the screen so I could see the bouncing bundle of baby that was wiggling around the screen. Healthy heartbeat at 160bpm.

Disaster averted! We still have a baby despite the wacky cramping.

I talked with her about how disconnected I feel but seeing the baby again on the screen made it feel slightly more real. She said that it was normal and reiterated that they are available anytime to check for a heartbeat if I am having doubts. She explained that until I am feeling movement consistently, I am in limbo and the stress of worry is easy to calm with a simple listen on the doppler. Then because we had discussed my apprehension with the doppler after my last terrible experience with it...she suggested we go back to the original room I started in and just check to be sure we can hear the baby's heartbeat on it. That way, I can have a good memory of the doppler before the next time I go in for an appointment. Yes, she is a star in my book!! We went ahead and listened on the doppler and heard a nice steady, happy, healthy heartbeat. It was out-of-body for me.

So, I have another few days until the NT scan and then I will still ask the tech to keep the plasma turned off until she has confirmed a living baby. Then, if all is okay, we will have a chance to see the little one again in great detail and on a 42-inch plasma screen in hi-def.

And by the way, this little one is actually going to change me from my original prediction....she is a little girl. I feel so certain based on my nausea and the heart rates. I know people say it's a lot of bunk but I know what a boy pregnancy felt like and I know what a girl pregnancy felt like. And I know what both their heart rates were. And based on that, in my experience of pregnancy, we are having a girl. I have been sooooooo pro-boy for our second child and yet I felt a peace and excitement last night at the possibility of a girl. If we get that far, I am going to be thrilled with a daughter, too!

Between now and then, I will continue to take care of myself and pray for health and strength.

On the note of prayer...I make it my focus to never pray for an outcome but rather to pray for the peace and strength to handle whatever outcome we reach in any situation. As much as I try to adhere to that rule with myself, I caved like a house of cards while waiting for our u/s and I began to pray for a heartbeat. I felt weak but it was simply how desperately I wanted it that came out. I am still praying for peace and strength with this pregnancy but I may occasionally have to throw in a wishful outcome prayer!