I am just Steady Betty...holding here at 2.5 cm dilated and 60% effaced. Yesterday was our last OB visit and we are due for the c-section 4/13 at noon. Should the little guy not decide to kick me into labor before then, we will be hitting the hospital at 9:30 Tuesday morning to check-in and get my pre-surgery bloodwork and nonstress test in the 2 hours before I get wheeled back into the OR.
So, it is kinda surreal. We know that in the next 5 days we will have a baby...barring any unforeseen horrors. I am still hoping in a strange way to wind up in labor and go in for an emergency c. Really, rather than try to sleep the night before knowing we will get up and change our lives and Bug's life. It just will really make me nutty. Super OB told me I can pop a ben.adryl the night before but I am no pill popper for sleep...pills just never seem to have the calming effect on me. I figure I will be so wired that it would just have the reverse effect and I would be wired while kinda drunkish feeling. No thanks.
But from a planning standpoint and a peace of mind for my Bug, I hope we can make it to our scheduled date. Still, I know that my plans matter not an ounce in the scheme of things and I can embrace that.
So, here's to another baby. Another boy. A bundle of boy joy.
And most of all, here's to my Bug, the the boy who stole my heart for the first time and made me a mother. It is torment to think that he will not be the sole center of my universe in just a few short days. He will be sharing that spotlight with another little guy. That breaks my heart today. As excited as I am to be giving him a partner in crime and a brother to share in our family crazy...I am terrified that I may forever be changing him as a person and the boy I know and love will be gone. I will, of course, know and love whoever he is or whoever he becomes or love him if he doesn't change one tiny smidge. But it still makes me a little sad...sad enough to have a little cry.